Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
