she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
