If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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