if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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