Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
