Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
