I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
