He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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