we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
