did you get engaged???
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
