His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
