I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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