I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
