I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
