It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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