He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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