my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
