I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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