Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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