He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
