Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We are two peas in an std pod
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
