Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
