I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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