I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
