ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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