Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
