apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
