Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
