After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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