i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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