Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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