I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need a beard to bite.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
