Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize