call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
