I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
