So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
