You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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