Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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