mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
