Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
