I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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