Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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