he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
