Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm really busy with my period
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