So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
