i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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