im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
