So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
