Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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