I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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