so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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