good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
