I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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