I hate your face
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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