I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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