This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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