I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Im part way to drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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