Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
