Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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