I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
