If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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