My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
