made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
