Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
