yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
