this beer tastes like vomit already
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My feet surprised me
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