You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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