Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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