I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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